I woke up to her vacumming the grass
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
