Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
