thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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