Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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