When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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