Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
farters have to be the big spoon...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
