He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i dont even know how to be here
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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