oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
