It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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