so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize