did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
