I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
