i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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