i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize