Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
How external is "for external use only"?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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