I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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