i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize