i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
