She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
