Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
