Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
