Kiss
Puke
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
