It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
