I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
