Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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