How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
