Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
