I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
