Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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