they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
