Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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