I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
