I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
