i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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