Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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