the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
