she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
