Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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