Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(503): View more from Oregon

She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.

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(613): View more from Ontario

I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.

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(312): View more from Illinois

I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.

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(703): View more from Virginia

You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.

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(956): View more from Texas

You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.

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(239): View more from Florida

I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost

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(613): View more from Ontario

He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'

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