My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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