Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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