Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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