Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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