So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
