champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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