Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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