I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
