You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
