and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
