We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
