i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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