Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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