did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
