I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
