whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
