i would punch a child for taco bell
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize