That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I wish I only lived at night.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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