He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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