im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I currently don't understand fingers.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
