You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
