I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
