my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I need to sanitize my soul.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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