her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
