When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
